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Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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was the time-tested genre of a locked room mystery.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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[Jughead] The weirdest thing about pretending to be dead is that after a while,

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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you actually start feeling like you're dead.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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As in, "dead as a doornail" dead.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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[microwave beeps]

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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For starters, I was underground, as if in a tomb.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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Granted, I was hiding out in Dilton's doomsday bunker

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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and not in a coffin, but still.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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Two weeks, no sunlight,

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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with no sense of time or its passing?

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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It's gotta be what limbo feels like, right?

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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Other similarities to being dead.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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Not one, but two obituaries about me ran.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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A rather perfunctory one inThe Riverdale Register.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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A second, more irreverent one in theBlue and Gold.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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I liked that one.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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I had a funeral. Well, a wake.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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I watched it on my laptop.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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Live-streamed from a camera Betty had set up in the living room.

Riverdale (2017) - S04E16 Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room

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Betty and I suspected that the Stonies would show up,