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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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Not literally, of course.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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out of our dreams.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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None of us are licensed,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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of The Children's Television Workshop,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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and this was one of them.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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but I appreciate your lack of pride.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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Let me take care of Columbia House.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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But don't cry in front of her,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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I got rid of that robot costume,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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They're always inventing new types of dogs

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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Okay, I've gotten botulism a bunch of times

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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I'm sorry. Does one of you live here?

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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There's all kinds of wear on this thing.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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Jeez, I get enough of that at home.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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because he fell asleep on top of me.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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The mother is having some sort of breakdown,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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is straight out of Baby-Sitters Club Mystery

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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a new pair of shoes, and a black friend.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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the purpose of which is unknown to this day,

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015) - S01E02 Kimmy Gets a Job!

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and you're not allowed to use any of them!