You're not concerned? Me crashing the party?

So New York wants a comedian as President.

That's from our new book, One Night in Paris.

What's new? He used to do that during my act!

Comedian Tom Dobbs has won New Jersey as well as Virginia,

It's gonna be a whole new ball game, so brace yourselves, people.

Do something new for your boyfriend. Put in a little squeaky toy.

When I first saw you, I liked you because you were different, new.

For those of you thinking of getting implants, there's something new to try.

Swedish carmaker Volvo has announced they are replacing air bags in their new sedans

There's a plane there. We'll get on that plane, I'll take you to New York and we'll solve your problem. OK?

Please. I've played in clubs for years.

At 17 years old, I beat up a guy.

Well, there is a problem - it's a year old.

- Anyway, happy birthday again. - Again? Did another year just pass?

It's hard to believe it's a year since we've gathered together,

Well, it's not like it's a relic. It's a year old.

(overlapping voices)

(woman) Stand by, lights, for cue one.

(man) Welcome to The Tom Dobbs Show. Please have your tickets ready for the ushers.