I just thought I'd say a quick adios before I head off on my whitewater rafting trip this weekend.

I'm gonna break a giant block of ice with my head.

It's my turn to host the damn thing and I can't weasel out of it.

The salt of the earth and the backbone of our country.

There are dozens of people here just waiting in line to kiss my butt.

Here's a Xerox of the cancel check.

That block of ice was for the sodas.

After he saved your life, you're the scum of the earth.

Now I'll paraphrase because most of you here have the attention span of a circus monkey.

I'll be down in a couple of seconds, and you're all free to line up and kiss my heroic butt.

Because your relatives are on the verge of murdering you.

Well, my daddy keeps mine in a safe deposit box down at the bank.

For the last year, I've been intensely studying the ancient martial arts of Taekwondo.

As most of you probably know, I had to fire the boy that cuts our grass because I caught him stealing a power drill out of the garage.

No, it's my obvious lack of patience for little geek wussy boys who dress up like carpet salesmen and wear cologne that smells like cat urine.

He's the jewel of our tribe and he's no doubt headed for greatness.

I heard the weather tomorrow is supposed to be cloudy, with a chance of Donald.

Thank you one and all I told you I could do it and and now for your added enjoyment my trademark loss of consciousness Technically he only did it cuz Donald was here

Please join Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, Charlie Sheen, and me tomorrow night for the original Fox Night at the Movies presentation of Young Guns.

decadence well i think i'll just leave a little calling card for you donald about a couple of tuna balls stuffed nicely back in the glove compartment i would love to see your face when these babies turn rife in a couple of days best of falco why does the phrase socially retarded come to mind