In high school, most of my dates were with myself.

Well, there is a problem - it's a year old.

Well, it's not like it's a relic. It's a year old.

At 17 years old, I beat up a guy.

It's an old Irish tradition.

So New York wants a comedian as President.

You can see an old lady wearing a flag thong and go, Grandma, don't tell me where Old Glory is!

Listen, if there's an 85-year-old lady in a walker and she's a terrorist,

In the circus you shave them with a blowtorch.

There was a problem with the computer voting system.

It's gonna be a whole new ball game, so brace yourselves, people.

Do something new for your boyfriend. Put in a little squeaky toy.

- is she applying for a job with you? - No.

The next thing you know, they're patting down an 85-year-old lady in a walker.

- Pump a little iron, you look like a Humvee. - With little tiny balls.

I'll remember this, ladies and gentlemen. It's an old phrase,

but I'm hoping for a dark walnut with a nice veneer. That'd be lovely.

Delacroy Systems has completed a deal with the European Common Market

Oh, no. I have a glorious love-hate relationship with TV.

Because I think a woman can be obsessed with a movie star like Brad Pitt - hello! -