Captain, get the hell out of this house!

You'll see me kicking the snot out of him in the second reel.

This guy goes back in time to keep his young son from getting killed in a car accident.

I think he's out in the garage with all your illegal alien friends, betting on the cockfights.

And you know, I don't think it's so bad to go back in time and mess with the past, because in the end, everything worked out perfectly.

This decade is bad enough without having to watch you wallow in its idiocy every second.

In fact, there's a special presentation, a whole hour of video vengeance this Friday night on Fox, right after America's Most Wanted with MTV.

You're ugly and you're doughy and you're bursting with love like some kind of rancid wedding cake that was left out in a terrible rainstorm by a drifter who's smelling named Hank who lives in a storm drain and he wears five pairs of pants even though it's summertime and he'd be much more comfortable wearing five pairs of shorts.