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A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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It's a brand-new episode in your lives, Baudelaires.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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that comprise this ghastly new episode... in the Baudelaires' unfortunate lives.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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Woe is me. Woe is me.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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The cry you're hearing is that of the broken-hearted crocodile.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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It is a rare species of reptile found in swampy regions that are particularly sad.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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Woe is me. Woe is me.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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My name is Lemony Snicket,

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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and it is my sworn duty to carefully research

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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the dire plight of the Baudelaire orphans.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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But there is no reason for you to make yourself

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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as miserable and melancholy as I am.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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If I were you, I would look away

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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before viewing any of the horrible and horrifying events

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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In a few minutes you'll be meeting your new guardian, Dr. Montgomery.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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He's your closest living relative

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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and apparently should've been your guardian all along,

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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according to your deceased parents' will.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to listen to that oddly-dressed consultant

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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who walked into my office with no references and no identification,

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room 1 - S01E03

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and who suggested that I place you in Count Olaf's care.